The War Over Xmas: Final Score

For the record:
Thoughtful Secularists: 1
Whiney Christian Bitches: 0

Uuuh! In your FACE! That’s right, you whiney Christian bitches. We BITCH SLAPPED Jesus this year! I saw like a million Santas, and I only saw one Jesus, and that one was on one of those stupid fuckin’ Franklin Mint painted plates in somebody’s living room. And guess who was on the shelf right next to it... that’s right... SANTA!

I was wished “Happy Holidays” at every store, from every news station, during every TV commercial. Nobody told me “Merry Christmas” even ONCE.

It was like I was living in a... um... SECULAR country or something. And ya know what? I think everybody still had a good time. It just seemed like EVERYONE was allowed to have a good time. Not just the Christians, ya know? Which reminds me, I didn’t see even ONE Christian burning at a stake, or on one of those impalement sticks, or anything like that. Maybe they were all at home forcing their kids to read scriptures and act out manger scenes instead of having fun. (Who cares. Those kids are probably being oppressed into some future state of atheism, anyway.) I think they’ll probably throw this “Christmas” thing again next year. I don’t know. I just get that feeling. And we’ll be ready.

If you Christian Loonies want to fight over it next year, then BRING IT! Next year we’ll come up with some NEW shit to piss you off. Maybe we’ll write some new, inclusive, Xmas carols to replace those old religious ones, and get all the malls - even the stripmalls - to blast them over their sound systems. We’ll have you bitches boycotting being outside.

I’m a bit sad, now, really, that it’s all over. I’ll miss the War Over Xmas. (Is this how Republicans feel during peacetime? Is THIS why they start wars?) Hmmm, now that I think about it, maybe we’ll get bored enough to come after Easter. That’d be fun. Easy too. I’d bet a basket of Cadbury Creme Eggs against a day in church anyday.